Forming a God

For this work, I was focusing on the idea of relations with others, opening yourself up to share yourself. I find connections between people to be intriguing; the idea of family, the idea of finding someone and sharing your thoughts and feelings with them, to walk by their side and learn them. The act of doing this and putting yourself out there, to me, is a brave thing. 

I interpret this by experimenting with the canvas, cutting it up and weaving it to portray pieces being taken away.

Brain Map

This is the Brain Map I created while thinking about the god and godess paintings, prompted by Zsuzsanna Szegedi.

Complete Formation of a Goddess

So, this is my complete second work from my painting workshop class. 

The flowers I chose (Gladiolus, Bleeding Hearts) symbolize strength, victory and finding new love.  

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Detail

Day 4

Detail

Day 5

Detail

Completed 02/19/13

IDEAS

While working on my original project, I kept thinking. What was I creating? It was a self portrait, but it wasn't exactly me. The figure had more conviction than me; a little more strength (or at least had an expression displaying strength).

Lately, and for a while, I had been thinking about religion and how I do not fall under one. I do not believe in a God, or that there is a Heaven, or a Hell. I do not believe what I have done in my life makes me 'sinful'. The whole institution of the Church does not sit well with me in general.
Though I am not a religious person, I wonder, and worry, that I may be wrong. My mother and I have had a few disagreements because of the fact that we don't share the same beliefs. This is the only thing that stands in our way. What if she has been right all along? Then is it possible I will be denied at Heavens gates?

Sure, I don't have faith in a higher power, but I gain strength and hope from things I witness and see in the world. So I thought about what I experience that brings me the feelings that praying and the belief in God may bring to others.
What MOVES me? What INSPIRES me in the world? What do I BELIEVE in? What brings me HAPPINESS? 
 I believe in myself. I believe to have control over my life, not an outer source. Beauty gives me hope in the world. Little, beautiful things can calm me and ground me. Such as butterflies. I admire these creatures and their lives. To me, they are an Icon that represents change (and growth from that), strength to move on, and pure beauty and innocence. The fact that certain Monarch generations travel across the country is amazing. (I plan on incorporating butterflies in my previous work.)
Flowers have brought me happiness throughout my life and brought me even closer to my mother because she is a gardener. They also represent beauty, strength (surviving and sometimes even blooming during the winter), and growth. I guess these themes are important to me; maybe because I want to exude these attributes.
Another thing that takes my breath away and inspires me is the night sky. The idea of other worlds is exciting, a little hopeful that we aren't alone in this life. To me, the lights of other planets and suns are the most beautiful and magical thing.
This series that I see growing will be playing with my idea of goddesses and gods. Figures (Icons) interacting with what I put my faith in or gain hope from.

Unrestrained Self-portrait

After pondering about a subject, my teacher asked what I was interested in, and I haven't done a figure painting in a while, so I decided to grab a mirror from the second floor bathroom and get to it. I started with a very basic charcoal sketch of myself. 

The next session I worked on it, I used completely unrealistic tones for the flesh to let go of attempting to keep my work realistic. I put colors I enjoyed on my palette and thought about how those colors could interact with each other to create a sense of light on a form. 

During this session, my teacher spoke about mediums for oil paint. I had been using a 'traditional' mixture that included damar varnish, linseed oil and turpenoid. It turns out, over time, that mixture will actually yellow a painting and it may even crack. He spoke about clear gel mediums for oil paints that help even the slowest drying colors dry faster. I kept working with just a brush, my medium and paint. 

During the third session I worked on my self-portrait, I was graced with the chance to experiment with this miraculous medium for oils called alkyd gel medium. It is used for impasto and holds brush marks. I brought in the use of my palette knife and I feel that it helped immensely with the form of the face, it didn't appear to be as flat as when I was using a brush and thinner medium. 

I was advised to complete all of the sections of the face because the form flows into the facial features and if I were to wait too long they would look flat and disconnected. Keeping the same lighting idea, I made the whole head one. IF I were to add the hair too early, it would also end up looking disconnected and placed on.

I am very happy with where this piece is going so far, and it feels like it has been awhile since I could say that. 

Freedom. What a terrifyingly wonderful thing.

For the first time in... I'd say three years, I have complete freedom to do whatever my heart desires when it comes to my artwork. There is not one rule, no restrictions on mediums, no setup to work from, no teacher that comes over to draw over what you feel you have worked on so hard. I'm left there with my thoughts, a few helpful comments, and time; Time to do anything, make ANYTHING I want. There is so much freedom! Finally! A set block of time designated to MY work. 

And I sit there lost, grasping at tiny ideas and rarely catching one that seems to be completely worth the time. It's a lot of freedom to just be dropped on me. Kind of intimidating, especially when I am surrounded by amazing peers. 

It's a block of time to figure out myself and where I stand in my education. Time to push myself to take ahold of those tiny ideas and run with it. So that is my 'path' and there is no real destination, and I don't think I want one. I want to learn to feel comfortable expressing anything and everything I can in my work. My plan is to destroy something and feel great about it. After many tears last semester, I'm ready to stop viewing something as 'precious' and let it go wild.