While working on my original project, I kept thinking. What was I creating? It was a self portrait, but it wasn't exactly me. The figure had more conviction than me; a little more strength (or at least had an expression displaying strength).
Lately, and for a while, I had been thinking about religion and how I do not fall under one. I do not believe in a God, or that there is a Heaven, or a Hell. I do not believe what I have done in my life makes me 'sinful'. The whole institution of the Church does not sit well with me in general.
Though I am not a religious person, I wonder, and worry, that I may be wrong. My mother and I have had a few disagreements because of the fact that we don't share the same beliefs. This is the only thing that stands in our way. What if she has been right all along? Then is it possible I will be denied at Heavens gates?
Sure, I don't have faith in a higher power, but I gain strength and hope from things I witness and see in the world. So I thought about what I experience that brings me the feelings that praying and the belief in God may bring to others.
What MOVES me? What INSPIRES me in the world? What do I BELIEVE in? What brings me HAPPINESS?
I believe in myself. I believe to have control over my life, not an outer source. Beauty gives me hope in the world. Little, beautiful things can calm me and ground me. Such as butterflies. I admire these creatures and their lives. To me, they are an Icon that represents change (and growth from that), strength to move on, and pure beauty and innocence. The fact that certain Monarch generations travel across the country is amazing. (I plan on incorporating butterflies in my previous work.)
Flowers have brought me happiness throughout my life and brought me even closer to my mother because she is a gardener. They also represent beauty, strength (surviving and sometimes even blooming during the winter), and growth. I guess these themes are important to me; maybe because I want to exude these attributes.
Another thing that takes my breath away and inspires me is the night sky. The idea of other worlds is exciting, a little hopeful that we aren't alone in this life. To me, the lights of other planets and suns are the most beautiful and magical thing.
This series that I see growing will be playing with my idea of goddesses and gods. Figures (Icons) interacting with what I put my faith in or gain hope from.
